When It Rains
by asyouwish16
Summary: All-human. Bella has the ideal life. She's popular, has a popular boyfriend, gets good grades. But, she hates herself and her life. The only solution is to put an end to it all. Can anyone save her from herself? Is there a chance for love? ABANDONED
1. Away From the Sun

_Author's Note- I'm planning on really finishing this story. I've got the first five chapters written. I've got a good feeling about this one, so please give it a chance. I'd like to give a huge thanks to Fall Down Again Bella for prereading my chapters and helping me, and to SodasGirl099 for helping me with the general idea of this story. I plan to have a song for every chapter, some working with only one scene or phrase and some working for the entire chapter. If I absolutely cannot find a song, I'll use a quote from one of the books. I'll keep a playlist on my profile so go check that out. Listen to the songs, tell me if you think they work. Please, tell me what you think by clicking on that little Review button. It makes me smile inside._

_Disclaimer for entire story- I am not Stephenie Meyer and I don't think any of you would think I was if I said I was, so I'm not her and I don't own her story or claim to. And, I cannot sing or play any sort of instrument so I do obviously own any of the songs I use for the chapters, I just listen to them maybe a bit more than I should. I do, however, own a copy of all the Twilight books and an iPod with all of these songs on it._

Song for the story (my inspiration)- "When It Rains" by Paramore

Chapter One – Away From the Sun

"_Away From the Sun" by 3 Doors Down_

A small wad of paper hits my arm and bounces onto my desk. I snap out of my trance and look around me. Sitting next to me, Mike is looking at me eagerly. I sigh and unfold the paper.

_Free tomorrow night? Party at Tyler's._

I don't want to lie to him and give him the hope that I will go to the party with him tomorrow night by saying that I'd go. But, I don't want to lie and make him think that I have plans tomorrow night by saying that I was busy. The only way I could come even close to telling the truth was by telling him that I didn't know. So, I turned towards him and shrugged my shoulders. He looked slightly disappointed, but he knew from the past that I often had no idea what I was doing over the weekend.

There was no way I could just tell him what I was planning to do. He'd try to stop me, but for the wrong reasons. I couldn't tell him that if I was successful with my plan that I wouldn't be busy tomorrow night, but I wouldn't be able to go anywhere. I couldn't just walk up to my boyfriend and tell him that I'm planning to kill myself this afternoon. Something told me that just wouldn't go over well.

The bell rang, I gathered my books and Mike walked over to me and took them from me. He insisted walking me to all my classes, even if we didn't share them. We walked in silence to my Spanish class. I could feel everyone's stares on the back of my neck. I should have gotten used to the stares, I was one of the "popular" crowd. I was supposed to be in the clique where everything was perfect and you had millions of friends and there was no point in dreams because life better then your dreams. But I didn't fit in there. People thought I did. But I don't think I can really fit in anywhere. That was mostly what lead me to my decision.

"Bye, Bells. I love you," Mike said, his lips brushed mine quickly.

"I love you, too," I whispered.

We both lied. Mike did not love me, and I most certainly did not love him. But, it was easier to lie to everyone and ourselves. We lied because we needed each other to stay at the top of the school. We lied because it was easier than having the whole school question you. We lied because we didn't want to admit that we wanted so much more from life. We lied. And, we both knew it.

Spanish and Trig passed much faster than I wanted today. Before I knew it, Jessica was telling some long story that I really didn't care about on our way to lunch. Mike met up with us in the line. He greeted me like he hadn't seen me in a month instead of two hours. He pulled his arm around my waist and held me next to him, tightly.

We moved to our usual table in a large pack, Mike and I at the center of it. I did a quick scan of the same faces around me. Then, I looked across the rest of the cafeteria. A group of five in a corner caught me attention.

Two of them, the Hale twins, Jasper and Rosalie, had moved here a month earlier. Their parents were lawyers and had decided that living in the city wouldn't be good for their kids. Rosalie was easily the most drop-dead gorgeous girl anyone had ever seen in their life. Jasper was just as beautiful, but something about him made to step back when you went to talk to him. Maybe it was the scars covering his arms and neck from a dog attack when he was younger. I had never seen them talking to anyone else, until today.

"Jess," I asked, I knew that she would already know the new students' life stories with how much of a gossip she was. "Who are the new kids sitting with the Hales?"

"Oh, the _Cullens_," she sighed, looking over at them eagerly.

I sat down and waited for her gossip skills to work their magic for me. I didn't have to wait long.

"Well, the big one's Emmett, he's a senior, and the small one's Alice, she's a junior, and the gorgeous one with the green eyes, he's Edward, he's also a junior," she said, pointing them out. "They're all adopted and just moved here. Their dad got a job as a doctor at the hospital so they moved here. Rosalie Hale has already got an eye on Emmett, and he seems to like her too, so no one has any hope to get him. Alice and Jasper are in my homeroom, and they were flirting the _whole_ time. But, I don't think Edward has seemed too interested in anyone yet, so there's still hope."

I listened to the Cullen's story half-way once she got going. Emmett looked like a less-scary version of the Hulk. Alice had a pixie-like look to her. But, I couldn't dwell on them very long. My eyes wouldn't stay off of Edward. His skin was as pale as his brother and sister's, and it almost seemed to glow in the florescent light. He had bronze hair that stuck up in every direction. His eyes were emeralds set into his marble skin. To say that he could be an Abercrombie model would almost be an insult. He looked more like a Greek god.

Edward looked up and met my gaze for a moment. He waited just long enough for blush to appear before he gave me a dazzling crooked grin and looked back to his friends. My heart sped up slightly and I felt embarrassed to let some stranger do that to me. Luckily, Mike was involved in an argument with Connor about sports, so he didn't notice.

After lunch, Mike and I made our way to Biology. He sat on the edge of my desk until the bell rang. I stared at the empty seat beside me. Both seats would stay empty if I was successful. My mind wondered to the plastic bag of stolen sleeping pills. I hoped it would be enough to do the trick.

Before I could worry about everything going too wrong, Edward Cullen entered the room. He walked to the teacher and handed him a slip of paper and headed towards the empty seat next to me. I turned in my chair so that I could just barely see Mike. He had a look on his face that said I-really-don't-want-to-care-but-I-do.

"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen," he smiled.

"Hi, Isabella Swan," I said, a tiny blush creeping onto my cheeks, "But, please, don't call me Isabella. I prefer Bella."

"Bella," he tested it. "I like it," he commented.

We couldn't talk much longer. The lights turned off and a boring movie began on the TV at the front of the room. As soon as the lights were off, a strange feeling like static electricity flowed through my veins. It seemed to be coming from another place in the room. I tried to concentrate on the movie, but I couldn't help trying to figure out the feeling. They seemed to be coming from somewhere beside me.

As soon as the lights were back on, it was gone. The bell rang and students piled out of the classroom. I walked in a daze with Mike to Gym. When he kissed me before I departed to the locker rooms, I couldn't help but wonder if I would hurt him today and how much. Our affection for each other seemed only skin deep, but it had to hurt him at least a little. All through Gym, my mind kept wandering to the plastic bag in my locker. I wouldn't exactly call it nerves, I was more curious to how the whole process of dying was. Was there a Heaven and Hell? If so, which would I be sent to?

The final bell rang, finally. I said goodbye to my friends and retrieved the bag from my locker. I hurried to the girls' bathroom. There would only be a certain amount of time where no one would be there to stop me. I checked around and saw no one. I pulled out my note and taped it to the mirror above one of the sinks, my hands shaking.

_I'm sorry if I hurt anyone. I just couldn't take it anymore. Life just became to hard to live, and it really was all a lie. I'll be happier this way. Again, I'm sorry. Please, don't try to stop me, I've made up my mind. Everyone will be better off without me, anyway._

_Bella Swan_

I pulled the water bottle out of my backpack and stared at myself in the mirror. Past the plain brown hair and plain brown eyes, I saw a girl who was dying inside. She wanted to break free of the mold she was forced into, but only knew one way how to. I knew what I had to do. I was tired of living this lie.

I stuck my hand into the bag and grabbed a few pills. I didn't want to know how many. I just forced them into my mouth, took a drink of water, and swallowed. Tears began to cloud over my eyes. I started to fumble for more pills. I couldn't control the tears that were now falling freely over my face.

Someone screamed from the door. I didn't look up at them.

"EDWARD! GET IN HERE! SOMEONE CALL NINE-ONE-ONE!" a high-pitched voice screamed.

I fought to hang on to consciousness, a battle that I knew I would all too soon lose. As blackness started to take over my vision, a Greek god ran into the bathroom. I felt cool arms slide underneath me and lift me up.

"It's all right," a velvety voice soothed.

I heard the faint sounds of sirens as I gave up my fight to blackness. I just hoped that help had been too late to ruin my plan. I hoped that I had been successful.

_A/N- Please, please, please leave me your thoughts, comments, concerns, etc. in a review. Clicky on the little review button and write something and you'll make me smile inside. Thanks!_


	2. Trouble

_A/N- I did many happy-dances with the reviews. You are all so nice and I had no idea this would get such a good responce. Yesterday was my birthday, so I couldn't get up a chapter then. Sorry. But, you get one now so that's okay, right? Thanks to my new ninja beta, VioletWilson, my writing will be a ton better now. _

Chapter Two – Trouble

"_Trouble" by Coldplay_

_Beep…Beep…Beep…Beep…Beep…Beep…_

I blinked my eyes open.

After adjusting to the bright light, I looked around me. The beeping noise was coming from a heart rate monitor next to me. The too-white walls, the smell of medicine, and the noises around me all indicated that I was in the hospital. Next to my bed was a metal pole with a plastic bag hanging from it. I dared to look down at my arm, and sure enough, an IV was stuck into it. I had the urge to rip it out, but guessed that would only hurt worse, so I just looked away. To the other side of my bed, Edward Cullen and a handsome doctor were talking near the doorway. I was shocked that Edward had stayed. He had been the one to get me out of the bathroom, wasn't he?

The doctor seemed to notice that I had woken up, and eyed me through a pair of disarming blue eyes. He hushed Edward and pushed him aside to walk over to my bed.

"Hello, Isabella." he greeted me in a cool voice.

"It's Bella," I responded quickly.

"Sorry, Bella." he amended, "How do you feel?"

I thought about it for a moment. There were a million answers. Stupid, unsuccessful, crappy, suicidal, grateful, worried, confused, guilty, tired, etc. I settled on one, "Groggy."

"Well, you took an awful lot of pills," he said, then remembered why I had taken the pills. "Bella, can I talk to you about… what happened?"

"I guess."

"Edward, please leave," he said, not even looking away from me. I heard the door close. The doctor sat down in the chair next to my bed and pulled a clipboard from the end of the bed. "I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I need to know everything you remember from yesterday and why you did it. Please, don't edit _anything_ for my sake or to get you out of trouble. I need to know _everything_."

I took a deep breath. I knew this was coming with my failure. Tears clouded my eyes again. I closed my eyes, allowing the tears to fall in trails down my cheeks. I had to tell someone. I began, "Everything wasn't the way it was supposed to be. High school was going to be _perfect_. I had a popular boyfriend, and for the first time, not only did I have friends, a lot of friends, but I was popular. But, after a year and a half of high school, I realized that I still wasn't happy. I only cared about what I was _supposed_ to do, not what I _wanted_ to do. I didn't care that I wanted to spend Saturday night reading, I was supposed to be out partying with Mike and drinking until I was sick. Everything I did took so much extra thought about what other people would think about my every action. I couldn't take it any longer.

"I started stealing a sleeping pill or two from Charlie's prescription every now and then. I stored them in a plastic bag under my desk. I knew my plan the moment I realized what was going on to me. I wasn't me anymore; I was Bella Swan, Mike's girlfriend, the most popular girl in school. I was gone, and the girl I swore I'd never be took my place. I kept up my charade to make sure no one tried to stop my plan from working. After a year, I was ready. I couldn't take this life any longer and this was the only way I knew how to fix it. So, after school I snuck into the girls' bathroom and started taking pills. I heard someone scream for Edward and for someone to call nine-one-one. After that I only remember cold arms and someone trying to tell me it would be all right and sirens," I finished. Tears were now pouring out of my eyes, my entire body shaking with sobs.

I heard Dr. Cullen gasp quietly, and leave the room, probably not wanting to deal with the waterworks. The door opened again, but I didn't bother looking up to see who it was. I felt a cool hand on my shoulder, rubbing soothing circles.

"Shh, it's okay, it's all over," he soothed, the same velvety voice from before.

I looked up. "E-Edward?" I asked.

"Yes," he answered, his green eyes sparkling with care, "I'm here. Don't cry anymore."

"Why are you here?" I wondered out loud.

"When I saw you yesterday," he told me, a pained look crossing his face, "as they were loading you into the ambulance, it was scary. People were panicking everywhere, trying to get the whole story. Other cops had to hold your dad back, he was trying to jump in the ambulance too. And you were on the stretcher looking so…_dead_. I knew you weren't- I'd checked you for a pulse, but you were pale as death. I still had the note you'd written in my fist a good ten minutes later. That's when I really understood what was going on. And for some reason, I really cared what happened to you. Crazy, I know."

Before either of us could say anything else, Mike Newton stormed into the room. His face was red, his eyes burning with fury. I tried to sink into the mattress, attempting to hide from him. Edward's posture changed into something more protective.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?!" he screamed.

"I'm s-sorry," I whimpered.

"Sorry?" he yelled, "You just tried to kill yourself, Bella! I'm your _boyfriend_, how do you think that makes me look? People are saying that you did this because of _me_! Is that what you wanted, for people to think I was the bad guy, Bella?"

I tried to speak, but found my mouth too dry. I wanted to tell Mike that he wasn't the reason I'd tried to kill myself. I wanted to tell him that I didn't love him, but that didn't mean that I hated him. That I never meant for anything that people were saying.

"I mean, come on, Bella. Why did you even kill yourself in the first place? Emo, depressed people who hate themselves kill themselves. You had friends, you had me, you were popular," he continued to rant.

I did have friends, I did have him, I was popular, but I was depressed, I did hate myself.

"Stop," Edward said firmly.

"Who the hell are you?" Mike yelled, turning on Edward.

"Edward Cullen, I was the one that saved Bella while you were off cheating on her." he said, strangely clam.

"I wasn't cheating on her," he lied. We both knew that I knew that he'd been seeing Jessica _and_ Lauren behind my back.

"Liar." Edward stated, "Leave before I call the doctor to make you."

Mike opened his mouth to make a retort, but instead turned to me. "We're over." he yelled, before turning and leaving the room.

Edward turned to me, his face full of the concern that Mike lacked, "Are you okay?"

"I think so…" I replied.

"I'm sorry about him." he told me.

"It's okay. I kind of expected it," I yawned.

"You're tired, I better go." he said, standing up.

"Alright, bye." I said, "And… thank you so much. For saving me, for standing up to Mike like that, and for staying with me. Will you come back?"

"You're welcome. If you want me to, I'll come back as much as you want."

"I do." I yawned again, my eyes fluttering.

"The I'll see you later." he smiled a crooked smile that had me dazzled. Then, very slowly, he leaned down and stroked the side of my face so lightly I wondered if he thought he was going to break me. I could only tell he touched me by the goose bumps that rose on my arms. "Sleep, Bella." And, with that, he left.

My eyes closed almost immediately and I soon drifted off to sleep. Dreams of Edward Cullen flooded my mind.

I remained in the hospital for three more days. Only a few visitors were allowed in. Charlie saw me twice a day, the first time he completely broke down into sobs. Edward was almost always at my side, aside from school hours or when Charlie was with me. He would stay until late at night and drop in to say good morning on his way to school even though the hospital was no where near school.

I begged the doctors and Charlie to not even tell Renee about all of this. I knew she would have a heart attack. Besides, I was better and there was no need to get her worried for nothing.

My days were fairly boring. Edward's visits were the highlights to my rather unexciting existence. Dr. Cullen must have realized what was going on before I had, and he would leave the room when Edward was with me, only coming back when necessary.

Edward and I would talk about anything and everything. He seemed to know something about any subject I brought up. We would start talking, and the outside world made no difference to us. We were in our own little world.

We would completely lose track of time, only breaking the surface back into reality when Dr. Cullen would come and tell Edward to leave or when I began getting tired and Edward would insist he had to leave. To say we became fast friends was an understatement.

After begging Dr. Cullen not to send me to rehab, I was finally able to be sent home. I wasn't able go to school for another week, but I was allowed to go home. I could have danced when I got into the cruiser and headed home. It didn't even bother me how much slower traffic was in the cruiser than in my truck.

Lying in bed that night, on the edge of sleep, I couldn't get Edward out of my mind. He had been so nice to me, when we were still pretty much strangers. But, I felt like I knew him so well after the past three days, maybe we did know each other a little. I didn't know how I was going to survive this week without Edward, he seemed so constant in my recovery.

Even though I had failed at suicide, I was glad about it. If I had killed myself when I wanted to, I would have never met Edward and we wouldn't have been able to get to know each other. But, I was also glad I had tried, because that was mostly why I knew Edward now. I was out of my relationship with Mike, I was pretty sure I was out of the popular crowd, and I had Edward.

I felt like the winner of this situation, though it had all started with my failure at death.


	3. I'm Only Me When I'm With You

_A/N- So this isn't too great of a chapter. Mostly a filler, next one should be tons better. I know the song doesn't work too well, but it's all I could find. If you have any song suggestions for me for any type of realtionship/problem I could probably use them. So, please tell me. Sorry about the wait, volleyball has kept me swamped. But, it's over in about two and a half weeks so after then I should be posting more often. I'm disappointed to say that the ammount of reviews for the last chapter has gone down a fair ammount from the first. Now, chapter three..._

Chapter Three – I'm Only Me When I'm With You

"_I'm Only Me When I'm With You" by Taylor Swift_

To say that Charlie was freaking out was an understatement. He'd waited to freak out on me until the morning after I got home. But, that didn't make it any less scary. He was so easy going normally, and seeing him this torn up was really killing me.

"Bella, what do you want me to do? What did I ever do wrong to make you want to do this? Did I spend too much time at the station? What did I do wrong, Bells?" he asked, his voice begging, the closest to tears I'd ever seen him.

"D-Dad," I stuttered, trying not to cry. "I d-didn't mean to do this t-to you. I just wasn't happy anymore."

He looked at me tiredly, looking like he was about to say something, but the phone's blaring ring burst through our silence. He jumped up and answered it.

"Hello?" he answered.

I bit my lower lip, hoping that my eyes weren't beginning to tear. I didn't need Charlie to start babying me again because he thought my emotions were too fragile. I was about to sneak up the stairs to my room, when Charlie called for me.

"Bells," he said when I walked into the kitchen, "phone's for you. Don't be too long."

I took the phone and nodded, "Hello?"

"Hello, Bella," a velvet voice greeted me.

"Edward?" I asked, shocked. Why was Edward calling me?

"Yes, it's me. I was wondering how you were doing."

"Um, fine, I guess. Near death experiences aren't exactly new for me. You?"

He chuckled softly, "I'm quite fine. I was wondering if I could stop by after school today?"

I looked towards the living room, the ESPN theme already playing. "That'd be wonderful."

"I'll be there. Well, I have to go. See you later," he hung up.

I placed the phone back on the charger and headed up the stairs to my room. I powered on the old computer to check my email. Renee was probably panicking that I hadn't sent her an email in almost five days. Sure enough, in my inbox were at least a dozen messages. I quickly read through them and typed out a long enough response to get her off my back for now. How long could I keep something this big from her? We'd never really kept secrects from each other before.

I looked at the pile of homework on my desk and decided I couldn't put it off much longer. I busied myself the rest of the day working on my assignments that I'd missed. I was just finishing up my math problems when the doorbell rang. I looked up at the clock; sure enough it was Edward at the door.

While Charlie answered the door, I pulled a brush through my hair and tied to fix my post-studying hair.

"Bells, there's a boy here," Charlie called up the stairs, his voice slightly disapproving.

I sighed and went to the kitchen, where, sure enough, Edward Cullen sat still looking like a Greek god in one of the mismatched kitchen chairs. He looked up at me and smiled a dazzling crooked grin. I felt a small blush rise in my cheeks.

"Hello." he said smoothly.

"Hi," I replied, almost breathless. I was all too aware of Charlie in the other room.

"How was your day?" he asked.

"Fairly boring, until now." I smiled.

And it was like the hospital again. We just started talking and couldn't stop. I didn't stop talking to Edward while I made us all dinner, and we barely realized Charlie was sitting at the table eating with us. I blushed when Edward complimented my cooking, and Charlie seemed to like Edward decently.

All too soon, Edward was saying he had a curfew to make. Charlie was already in the living room, another game on. How many games could be on in one day?

"Will you come back tomorrow?" I asked.

"If you want me to," he almost whispered. He stroked my cheek again, like he had that first day in the hospital.

"I do," I blushed, "It's so boring here."

"Then I'll come back everyday." his crooked grin seemingly plastered to his face.

"I'd like that." I said, half flirting with him.

"So would I." it seemed like he was flirting with me, too. "But, I do have to go now."

I leaned a little closer to him and hugged him shortly. I waved as he sped away in his silver Volvo.

I was glad Charlie fell asleep in front of the TV; I didn't want to have to deal with all the jokes he'd make.

This routine continued through the rest of my time at home. Edward was the highlight of my boring days, the only interest in the boring monotony that had become my life.

Charlie began going back to work after a couple days, but came home for lunch and called every half an hour or so. After a couple days it was obvious that he liked Edward a lot, a ton more than he liked Mike at least.

Before I knew it, it was Sunday night and Edward was starting to hint that he had to leave soon.

"Will you be going to school tomorrow?" he asked, almost nervous.

"Yes, I'm dying of boredom here," I laughed. The smile faded off my face as a thought occurred to me. "Will you be there with me?"

"What do you mean?" he asked.

I couldn't look into his eyes any longer. I looked down, picking at the hem of my shirt, "I don't think I could go through a whole day of school without someone helping me. People are going to hate me, I need someone to keep me strong."

He hesitated just long enough to make my blush go crazy. "Of course, I'll be by your side every moment I can."

I smiled. "Thank you so much."

"You're welcome," He said smiling. "But, I do have to go, now. Carlisle and Esme haven't been seeing too much of me lately."

"I'm sorry I've been keeping you away form your family, you should have said something." I said apologetically.

"I'm not complaining," he smirked.

I blushed, again. I really hated that I had absolutely no control over my over reactive cheeks. He almost seemed to find it amusing that he could make me blush so easily.

"See you in the morning." he stood up, hugged me, and passed out the door.

"See you," I said, though by now with the speed he drove, he was long gone.

I said goodnight to Charlie and went up the stairs to my room. I got ready for bed, and attempted to sleep. But, with Edward gone, my fears had returned.

By now, it was much more than common knowledge about me, it was already the deepest gossip there was at the moment, the deepest it would be for a very long time. I had seen the innermost workings of the popular crowd and I knew how fast Jessica could come up with a whole new version of the story.

How she could spin the truth so easily, I'd never know. I'd once turned to her when I was friends with her for every story that flew around the school. Now, she'd be telling my story to Lauren most likely.

Tomorrow I would face stares, whispers, glares, and much more than I knew I wanted to ever imagine. But, as soon as I thought of Edward, I was instantly relaxed. There was no way I could not feel instantly better when I thought of him. I was relying on him too much, but I couldn't help it. If there was anything that could help me live through tomorrow, it was him.

- - -

The cafeteria was the same as it always was. If anything, the constant babble of voices seemed louder. I walked towards my usual table. Only Jessica, Mike, and Lauren were seated there. I sat down next to Mike, smiling at him. He smirked and put his arm around Lauren.

I realized I wasn't welcome here and made my way across the cafeteria, my feet dragging like bricks. Edward was alone at the table I sat down at. He smiled and I could feel one creeping onto the corners of my face. I reached out for his hand, and he disappeared. I was left alone, Lauren and Mike suddenly surrounding me, mocking me.

- - -

I barely got any sleep the whole night. I awoke far too early in the morning and knew that I hadn't fallen asleep until the early morning. Once I had, dreams so much like memories had haunted me. I lay in bed for a few minutes after I woke up.

_It's now or never._

_A/N- Next chapter will be Bella's first day back at school. What will happen (I know, but you don't)? Please, please, please review, it really does make my day._


	4. We are Broken

_A/N- So this will probably be the last chapter before volleyball is over in about two weeks. I'm just too busy at the moment to find much time to write. Please, at least listen to the song on this one it's a very amazing song and I think it really fits this chapter pretty much perfectly. If you have any suggestions for any good songs, please tell me. I would like to find some more songs and I usually decide a few songs that could work before I write a chapter. And, I'd like to expand my iTunes library._

Chapter Four – We are Broken

"_We are Broken" by Paramore_

I grabbed my backpack and hurried to the door. At the same moment I reached to grab the handle, the door bell rang. I opened it, curious to see who it was.

Behind the door, stood Edward. His crooked grin spread across his face. I couldn't help but smile in return.

"I thought you might want a ride," he shrugged.

"Thanks, that'd be great," I replied. "Let me grab my bag." I turned and grabbed my backpack off of the kitchen counter and rushed out the door to where Edward was waiting next to a shiny silver Volvo.

Edward opened the passenger door for me, and I managed to get in the car without showing off my lack of coordination, an accomplishment in itself. He shut my door and ran around to the driver's side.

He started up the car and pulled out of the driveway. A comfortable silence surrounded us. I didn't want to break the it, and didn't really feel that I needed to. I did a double take when we were at the school much faster than we should have been. I hadn't noticed how fast we had been going until we had stopped. The lack of motion disoriented me.

"Are you ready?" he asked, not as if we were merely going to school, but as if we were about to dive into a pit of vicious snakes. Which, in a way, I was.

"Not sure I ever will be," I sighed and climbed out of the car. "But, I have to be."

**- - -**

I was surprised at how well I had made it through the day so far. No comments from anyone, just whispering, strange faces, and sentences unfinished as soon as I walked into room. But, that kind of stuff happened even when I hadn't tried to kill myself.

It seemed so strange to think of it now. I had attempted to commit suicide, but now the thought of attempting again didn't even occur to me. I'd just needed to escape from the suffocation from the people that had surrounded me. Now that I was out, I could finally breathe again.

With only ten minutes left until lunch, I was staring at the clock, wishing it would move faster. As soon as the bell rang, I would be able to see Edward. The girl next to me dropped her notebook, but didn't seem to have noticed. I reached down for it and instantly recognized it.

It was the slam book Lauren and Jessica passed around every time new gossip sprung up. I flipped to the page a hot pink Post-It was marking and gasped. The top of the page read: _Bella Swan freaking tried to kill herself. What the hell?!_

So many comments were scribbled under it, and I recognized Jessica's handwriting more than once.

_How could she do something like that? Why did she do that?_

_Maybe she was just trying to get attention. She always used Mike and Jess to get more attention._

_Maybe she was pregnant._

_Is she that scared that the only thing she can do is hide from everyone and commit suicide? If so, she is the biggest coward I've ever met in my entire life. I wish she __**had**__ killed herself. Too bad the new guy had to step in._

At the last comment, the page before me went fuzzy as silent tears fell down my face. I managed to not let anyone notice until the bell rang. As soon as I was out the door, my sobs broke through me. My shoulders heaved as I stumbled around the parking lot, looking for my truck only to remember that Edward had driven me to school.

I found the shiny Volvo with the door unlocked. I threw myself into the passenger seat and let all my tears fall fast and hard. Every comment on that page pressing down on me harder and harder until it became difficult to breathe. Every word sliced through me until there was nothing left. I could almost feel myself dissolving into the leather seat.

I knew this was coming, but that didn't make it hurt any less. My jacket was soaked with my tears, I was starting to shiver. With a momentary pause in my tears, I started to look around me. Lunch had already started, Edward, his family and the Hales were probably waiting for me. I wondered if they would really notice, or care, when I didn't show up. I didn't plan on attending any other classes today, so I would just have to wait here until school was over for Edward to come and he could drive me home.

I jumped when there was a sharp rap at the window. Edward was leaning over, looking into the window. Before I could react, he opened the door.

"Bella, what's wrong? What happened?" he asked, his voice swelling with concern.

"I don't think I can do this." I whispered.

He didn't question me at all. He closed my door and walked around to the other side of the car then got in. I looked out the window as the rain began to drizzle down. The high school began to pass by me as Edward drove us out of the parking lot. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead on the cool glass.

I felt the car slow to a stop after a while. I opened my eyes to find us pulling up to a large house, no, it was bigger than a house. We were pulling up to a small mansion. Edward pulled the car into a large garage connected to part of the house.

Edward let out a deep breath of air, "I brought you to my house."

I couldn't find any words to fulfill the gratitude I felt towards him for getting me out of the school. I nodded gently.

"My mother, Esme, might be home. But, you don't have to worry about her. If you don't want to talk you don't have to." he explained.

I nodded again, sure that if I spoke the tears would fall again or that my voice would crack.

"Okay then." he exhaled.

Edward walked around the car and opened my door for me. I got out of the car and he immediately wrapped one of his strong arms around my waist. I melted under his touch, clinging to him for support. I knew that I couldn't make it through any of this alone.

We walked into the most beautiful house I had ever seen. The living room was white and clean, beautiful pieces delicately placed. On one of the couches a beautiful woman was reading a thick book. Her soft features gave me the feeling that I could trust her though I didn't know her. She looked much too young to be Edward's mother, but he had said he'd been adopted.

"Why, hello Edward, and who is this?" the woman asked, sounding surprised as she looked from her book.

"Hello, Esme," Edward greeted her. Apparently this was Esme. "this is Bella."

"Hello, Bella. It's not often that Edward brings anybody home. Make yourself at home," she said easily, then winked at me.

"Thank you," I whispered. I looked up at Edward, who had the slightest of a pink blush to his cheeks.

He nodded and led me up two large sets of stairs. He led me to the end of a long hallway, to the last door, opening the it with confident hands. I gasped at the room inside.

The whole back wall was made up of glass, and the gentle patter of rain against it seemed more beautiful than annoying. Thick, gold carpet covered the floor. One whole wall was full of shelves filled with more CDs than I'd ever seen in any music store. An expensive-looking sound system sat next to a long black leather couch on the opposite wall. In the center of the room was a _huge_ bed, the same gold and black color scheme on it.

Edward finally let go of me and walked over to the leather couch. I could almost feel part of myself staying with him, like I wasn't whole without him next to me. I did the only thing I could do. I followed him to the couch. I sank down next to him, resting my head on his shoulder.

He wrapped his arms around my body, protecting me. "Will you tell me what happened?" he whispered to me.

I hesitated. "I saw the things they were writing about me. Everyone hated me, they wanted me to die. People said that I was afraid, that I was a coward," I choked, tears ruining his shirt, "But, they don't understand at all. I couldn't bear it anymore. My whole life was a lie, I couldn't live it anymore. And, there was no way I could turn back time to not make the choices I made, to not make the mistakes I did, to change everything. It was all I could do."

"They're wrong, Bella. They're all wrong. You're brave," he soothed me, rubbing circles on my arms.

"Why don't you hate me?" I asked, voicing a concern that had bothered me for a while.

"Why would I hate you?" he countered, surprised. He paused in his rubbing for a moment.

"Everyone else does." I replied.

"Maybe I'm not like everyone else." he said, beginning to rub my shoulders again. That was true, anyone else would have given up on me by now.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"For what?" he asked.

"Saving me." He grinned and didn't say anything. He didn't need to.

We stayed like that for a long time. He held me, he protected me form everyone else. What had I done to deserve him? Time seemed to freeze around us, the world seemed to stop spinning while the rest of the world moved on without us. He just held me, humming softly. I never wanted to face the what lay beyond his bedroom door again, it would hurt too much, and Edward would have to heal me again. I was deeply broken, and he was starting to put the pieces back together.

_A/N- Next chapter you'll be hearing from Edward. I love the reviews, thanks for them and please keep them coming._


	5. She Is

_A/N- Sorry for the delay, I've been so freaking busy it's insane. Thanks to everyone that reviewed. For everyone that reviews this chapter, I'll reply with what song is the song for the next chapter (at least what I'm pretty sure it will be). I know the song doesn't work great for this chapter, but please bear with me, I had the hardest time finding one for this chapter. Thanks to my beta, VioletWilson, without her help I doubt I'd have any readers. I thought I'd give you a bit of Edward's side of the story. Not sure when the next chapter will be up, I'm about a third of the way through writing it. So, if it's a bit more than a week I'm sorry, this is the hardest part of the story to write._

Chapter Five – She Is

"_She Is" by The Fray_

I cradled her in my arms, never wanting to let go. Her floral scent intoxicated me, her soft hair welcomed me, everything about her left me curious. When I thought I could get away, she would catch me again. I couldn't quite figure her out, but I was dying to try.

"Edward?" Esme knocked softly on the other side of my door.

It took me a second to come back to reality. "Yes?" I called.

The door opened and Esme walked in. She was trying to hide the smile creeping onto her face, but was failing. She had been so happy when Alice and Emmett had adjusted so quickly to Forks. We'd been here not even a week and a half and they were both heels-over-head in love, both of them having already found their "soul mates". They were set for the rest of their lives, but I wasn't. I always seemed to be the odd man out, not that_ I_ minded, but it did bother Esme. Esme hadn't known where I'd been going when I would visit Bella, and assumed it was a friend I had made. She surely had not been expecting me to bring Bella home so soon, and was hopeful for me. The scene of Bella and I that greeted to her added to those prospects.

Bella shyly snaked her way out from under my arm as an adorable blush crept onto her cheeks. I couldn't help but smile when she peeked up at me.

"Bella, dear, I was wondering if you would like to stay for dinner?" Esme asked, beaming.

"No thank you," she replied, shocked at how late it had gotten. "I should be getting home. Charlie's expecting me and probably wondering where I am."

"Well, you must come another day," Esme smiled and left the room. She would personally see to it that Bella would be back again, she wasn't letting someone go so easily.

"I'll drive you home," I sighed, sad to see her go.

She nodded, looking at the carpet. I grabbed my keys and waited for her to follow.

She looked around the room and she let out a soft sigh. I wanted to know so much what she was thinking. I placed my arm around her waist and escorted her down the stairs. She seemed to melt into my side. It felt right, like we were two pieces of a puzzle.

Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, and Carlisle were all sitting in the living room. I felt Bella tense when they came into view. Was she scared of them, or scared they would hurt her like so many others already had? What was going on inside her mind?

"Alice, Emmett, Rose, Carlisle, this is Bella," I introduced her.

Carlisle looked up from his book and nodded warmly to her. Alice looked like she was debating weather or not to jump up and hug her, she seemed to decide not to. Emmett smiled but looked back to the TV almost immediately. Rosalie's cold glare rested on Bella. Pure hatred shot from her eyes. I felt my arm subconsciously tighten around Bella, a desire to protect her surging through me.

Bella nodded to each of them, not making eye contact with anyone. I guided her out of the house and to my Volvo.

"Does Rose hate me?" she asked after a while.

"No," I lied. "Well, I don't know," I corrected myself. I didn't want to lie to her.

"It's okay if she does." she whispered. "A lot of people do."

"I'm sure she doesn't hate you," I said, not so sure.

She didn't seem convinced either. She didn't say anything else the rest of the drive. She looked out at the blur of green and rain, she looked at the seat beneath her, and she looked at me. I couldn't help but glance at her often. Something about her drew me in.

I opened her door for her when we pulled into her driveway. She muttered a thank you and hurried into the house.

I began driving around town, I had no where to go, but I needed time to myself. I definitely considered Bella a friend, at least, by now, and I was fairly sure I was one to her. But, I think I wanted something more. Her tears hurt me, I felt a need to protect her from the world. This felt much stronger than friendship. But, I didn't have much to compare it to so I wasn't sure.

Did this mean I was falling for Bella Swan? Surely not.

I found myself pulling into my driveway and into the garage before drifting into the living room and falling onto one of the large white couches. Everyone looked at me, but I was too lost in my thoughts to notice.

"How can you stand her?" Rose sneered, breaking the silence.

"What?" I asked, shocked at the obvious hatred in her tone.

"You don't need to play the hero, Edward," she continued. "Before she tried to kill herself, Bella Swan was the typical popular girl. She was a bit off, anyone could see it. She distanced herself from her crowd, but she never made a move to change anything in her life, until she tried to commit suicide. Which is the most selfish thing a person can do in my opinion."

"Stop," I almost hissed. But she didn't.

"And, she can't even take what people are saying when she's the one who gave them a reason to talk. Now she comes crying to you just like she did to Mike Newton." Rose ignored me.

"Stop!" I yelled.

"Rosalie," Esme cautioned, "I know you and Bella are not my daughters, but I would prefer it if you would not speak of her, or anyone else, that way in my house."

"I'm sorry." Rosalie lied. "I got a bit carried away." I could almost hear her teeth grinding together.

She whispered to me, soft enough that Esme would be sure not to hear, "She'll only hurt you like she did to Mike."

"Mike and I are completely different people. And he doesn't seem too hurt over her." I hissed.

I stormed up the stairs to my room, done listening to Rosalie whine. I grabbed the remote off my nightstand and blasted music, the one thing sure to calm my sudden temper.

Rose's words repeated in my head. _Now she comes crying to you just like she did to Mike Newton._ I was different than Mike. Mike already was with Lauren and had probably been with her while he was dating Bella. There was no way Rose could even compare me to that scum. I was nothing like him.

How could she hate Bella so much when, as far as I knew, she had never spoken to her? She had only moved here a month before we had, you couldn't build that much hate up in a month. Could you?

I hated to think that Bella didn't care about me at all. My feelings for her were still undecided, but I knew there was _something_. She had to return those feelings in some way. Hadn't she shown that when she'd clung to me for support just now?

I remembered the first time I had seen her. She had been sitting in the cafeteria, Mike on one side of her, his arm wrapped too tight to be comfortable around her waist. Jessica on the other side, looking like she would kill to be in Bella's place. Bella had been staring off into space, looking completely lonely, even surrounded by all those people. She seemed lost and like she didn't want to be there. She looked trapped. Trapped in her own life, trying to find an escape.

I remembered her weak body on the bathroom floor. Looking so close to death, I'd almost thought her faint heartbeat was an illusion or mistake. In the hospital, she had looked slightly stronger, but mostly dead again. Today, she had again seemed weak. I wondered if she would ever find enough strength to not let her weaknesses show. She tried, but it never worked. She didn't like showing her weakness, but wasn't yet strong enough to hide it.

I drifted to sleep, not sure what were dreams and what was reality.

Bella was reaching for me, and I couldn't bring myself close enough to take her into my arms. The scenery was blurry, but familiar. Tears streamed down her face, different than the ones this afternoon. Tears of fear and love, pain, and suffering. Tears that told a story of sorrow.

She screamed, a pair of arms restricting her from running to me. Though I could not feel it, I knew that intense pain was binding me to the spot. Mike Newton stood feet from us, rage and pain spread across his face. I hated him then, I wasn't sure why, but pure hate surged through my veins.

The arms holding her back fell away, and Bella flew to me. She screamed and cried, she whispered reassurances, she clutched my hand though I could not feel it. I had no idea what was happening and I didn't care. Surely, Bella could make things all right. If not, at least she was here now.

In the morning, I had no memories from this dream. No traces of Bella's face in ultimate pain were in my mind. No traces of the hatred and love I had felt were with me. The only thing I could remember about it was that it was that she had starred in it, as all my dreams from that day on would.

_A/N- Next chapter, we're back to Bella's POV. But, only if you REVIEW. Please, review it gives me feedback on how you feel about what's happening._


	6. Broken

_A/N- I'm so freaking sorry it took me so long to get this up. I've had so many issues (and not just mental ones) lately. It's all been drama, drama, drama. I bet there will still be drama in the nursing homes. It's impossible to ever get away from. Check out my new one-shot for the Host, Maybe. It's just Jamie reflecting about his life since Wanda/Melanie came. Thanks to my ninja-beta, VioletWilson. Without her, I doubt anyone would bother reading this becuase of all the errors and choppiness. We're back to Bella's POV. Please reveiw! _

Chapter Six – Broken

"_Broken" by Lifehouse_

I sat alone at lunch. Where else would I sit? Looking at the wall, I knew already how people were staring, they would _always_ stare because I would _always_ be the girl who tried to kill herself. I would always be hated and rejected.

Edward had just paid for his food and was headed towards his friends and family. I couldn't help but feel a small pain in my chest, he seemed to be the only good thing I could find in this mess. He smirked as he passed the table where they were seated, surprising me. As Rosalie shot us an icy and surprised glare, Edward sat down across from me. He smiled a crooked grin and a small blush rose on my cheeks. This was just the beginning of a new friendship.

**- - -**

"So," Alice pressed, "have you and Edward declared your love for each other yet?"

"What?!" I spat my water out.

"Oh, come on," she groaned. "It's _painfully_ obvious that you two are in love. We've been here for a month and a half and everyone, except you two apparently, knows. I'm never wrong about these things, and you two are _meant_ to be together."

"Someone needs to switch to decalf and lay off the late night TV." I giggled.

Alice was practicing the torture of "sleepovers" on me, again. She declared herself my new best friend two weeks after Edward and I became friends, and I wasn't about to tell her that, technically, Edward was my best friend, because I could talk to him about anything. That's what friends are for right?

She insisted that almost every weekend Rosalie and I spend the night together. She always shooed all the guys out of the house and ordered Chinese food, and had an uncanny gift for picking out good movies.

Rosalie didn't seem to hate me as much. She was still cold to me, and only grudgingly went along that anything that involved me because Alice made her, but, she didn't want to kill me and I considered that an accomplishment. She and Edward were still kind of icy. He wasn't ready to forgive her yet, even though I had _already _forgiven her.

"But, have you?" Alice whispered, still demanding answers about my non-existent relationship with Edward.

I smacked the back of her head, "Edward and I are _friends_. Now shut up and go to sleep."

"Fine," she huffed. "but, I'm right. You'll find that out for yourself soon enough... even if you keep up this stubborn thing you've got going."

_Ah, Edward_.

What did I think of him? I considered him my best friend, but did I want something more? I hadn't had much experience in friendships or relationships. The little that I had seemed entirely different compared to this. I didn't really know how I felt, and I certainly didn't know how he felt. The unknown left me nervous. I didn't want to blow the only sliver of happiness I'd felt in years. I wouldn't get a second chance.

"Sleep well?" Edward asked me the next morning at breakfast.

"Very." I lied. I'd spent most of the night tossing and turning and toying with the idea of Edward as more than a friend.

"What's the plan for today?" he asked. His bronze hair was a mess as always, water droplets still clinging to it from his morning run in the rain, his emerald eyes were bright with energy and curiosity, and his perfect features were, well, perfect. Anyone could easily find him attractive.

_But was I attracted to him on more than just a physical level?_

"Shopping!" Alice sang. She danced out of the kitchen and all the way to her Porsche, leaving a trail of Marc Jacobs perfume we were no doubt intended to follow.

"Do we have to do this _every_ week?" I complained.

"Yup."

**- - -**

Hours later, we were all weighed down by shopping bags, except Alice who had shrugged all of hers off to Jasper, who didn't seem to mind too much.

"Let's ditch them." Edward whispered to me.

"What?" I asked.

"I can tell you're about to shoot someone, I know I am. Let's go, get away from them." his crooked smile and sparkling eyes demanded and recieved a nod of compliance from me.

"Bella and I are going to the music store on the other side, you guys go ahead without us." Edward lied.

Alice winked at me, "Okay, see you later." She knew she wouldn't until much later.

"Where are we going?" I asked, sliding into the Volvo.

"For me to know, and for you to find out." Edward simpered easily.

"You know how much I hate surprises!" I muttered.

"I'm hoping to change that little quirk of yours," he laughed.

I smiled begrudgingly and looked out the window as Port Angeles flew by. We were driving out of town, and soon the buildings were replaced by trees and rivers. Edward stopped in front of a small forest, no trail in sight.

"I hope you don't mind a little hike." he smiled.

"And what if I do?" I asked playfully.

"Then too bad for you." he said, grinning deviously as he began walking into the cool forest.

"Wait!" I hurried after him.

We hiked for at least twenty minutes and I still didn't know where we were headed. If Edward wasn't there, I might as well have been going in circles forever. There was no path that I could see, yet Edward seemed to know exactly where he was going.

"We're here," he said, coming to a halt and laughing when I bumped into his back.

"And where would here be?" I looked around.

We were in a meadow. It was almost completely circular. Its beauty was breathtaking. I couldn't even imagine how it would look on a sunny day. The clouds overhead seemed to be growing darker and thicker by the second. Any moment now, rain would begin to fall and it would be another hike to the car. Why had Edward taken me here?

"I like to come here to get away from everything," Edward explained. "I figured that you needed a break from the business of Alice. She's hard to take in all at once, especially along with everything else going on right now."

I sank to the ground. Emotions filled me. I knew it must be special to share this with someone else. He seemed as fond of opening up to people as I was. That was why our friendship worked so well.

The rush of the past few weeks hit me with full force. It wasn't only Alice that kept me so busy. School seems to get harder when every time a teacher hands you a paper and hate shoots from their eyes. Doctors tried to push me into rehab for a month or two. I was better, I didn't want to kill myself anymore and I didn't need rehab. Charlie was cautious of his every move around me. He worried about everything. That I wasn't happy, that I was doing poorly in school, which I wasn't, that Edward might be another person out to hurt me.

The first drops of rain touched my face. Edward sat next to me, a comforting arm around my shoulders. He lifted a finger to my cheek, where a tear had escaped my mask. My head drooped to his shoulder. I let a few more of the tears free. There was nothing left to hide with Edward. I was still scared and shattered, but he was putting me back together again.

He put his hand under my chin and gently pushed it up. I was looking into his shocking green eyes. A weak smile spread across my face. Edward was the glue that held what little was left of me together.

"You're not alone. You know that?" he whispered.

"I know," I nodded.

"I'm right here."

My heart picked up speed. His eyes dazzled me. There was nothing but us and the meadow. There wasn't a Forks High School. There weren't a million kids that hated me. There wasn't anything but the two of us.

Edward's breath on my face made thinking considerably harder. I couldn't think about the mixed feelings for him inside of me, of the pushy doctors, of the judgmental teachers or the mean high school kids, because in that moment, there was only the two of us.

There was suddenly no more distance between us.

His lips caressed mine. I wound my arms around his neck. He pulled me closer. I could feel my heart threatening to burst out of my chest.

We broke apart. Our foreheads still connected. A crooked smile that I had grown to love spread on his face, a blush raged on mine. Rain mixed with tears that betrayed many emotions rand down my face.

"I'm right here for you, Bella." he kissed me again, and this time I met him halfway, expecting it.

I was nowhere near whole again, that much I knew. It would take so much more healing for that to happen. But I could feel myself, piece by piece, coming back. Edward was the only cure for the pain that surrounded me. I needed him like I needed air.

I was certain that only friendship was not possible anymore. My feelings for him were more clear than they had been before, but still not completely sure. I had no idea what the different pulls that drew me to him meant. There had been absolutely no chemistry between Mike and me. We had only been together because we had to be together if we wanted to stay on top. Now that I was at the bottom of the blackest hole, I could do what I wanted. I didn't have to consider what others would think about me, it didn't matter.

I was suddenly free, and I had no idea what I was doing.

I wanted to be with Edward as more than a friend. I wanted to tell Alice that, yes, we had gotten together. I wanted so much more than I had. Most of all, I wanted to be loved. With Edward, I could be. I could be myself. I could be protected and safe. But _would_ I be?

I was still so damaged. Edward deserved someone whole and able to give him their entire heart. There wasn't that much left of me. But I would give him every ounce I had left. I would dare to take a chance. To jump and hope with all of me that he would catch me. He was all I had left to hold myself together. Without him, I would completely break down again. I would lose myself entirely.

Without him, I could not exist anymore. He was healing my wounds, but the faint scar would remain with me forever. With him, I could maybe be myself again someday. I could be me again, with no limits and no boundaries.

He was my life now.

_I'm falling apart_

_I'm barely breathing_

_With a broken heart_

_That's still beating_

_In the pain_

_There is healing_

_In your name_

_I find meaning_

_So I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on_

_Barely holding on to you_

_A/N- Edward and Bella kissed, do I deserve a review for that? Please?_


	7. Look After You

_Author's Note: I know I'm a terrible person. I'm not even going to promise when I'll have the next chapter out. I know we've all heard it a million times but I really was extremely busy. But, I should be writing the chapters quicker since I've got the storyline better planned out than before. Thanks to my ninja beta, VioletWilson. I thought we needed a bit more Edward...._

Chapter Seven – Look After You

"_Look After You" by The Fray_

Bella looked brighter and healthier every day. She walked with a small bounce in her step and her eyes had some depth and life in them. I could still tell she was unsure of trusting herself and everyone else, but she had come a long way from the almost-dead girl on the bathroom floor.

There wasn't much of a change between friendship and a relationship for us. We slipped from one to the other so naturally I knew it was one of those things that was just "meant to be." I already knew that I loved her. It wasn't something I'd ever doubted from the moment I discovered it. I just kept it hidden from Bella. It wasn't that I didn't want her to know, I just wasn't sure if she was ready to know, it had only been a few weeks.

Caution about her general emotional state seemed like a smart idea

"Bella?" I asked.

"Yes?" she smiled and blushed slightly. She still hated the way her cheeks would warm to an adorable pink hue without her control. No matter how many times I told her it was one of my favorite things about her. I knew the power I had over her blush, and I knew that I abused it.

"We're going to need to get out of the car sometime," I smiled.

Bella was so nervous that Charlie would explode the second he found out about us, she decided not to tell him for a while. I had come to the realization that Bella seemed to have a bit of an aversion to conflict. But now, I insisted on letting him know. I didn't like that he still asked about boys with me around and that I couldn't pick her up for a date or say that she looked beautiful.

"Can't we wait a bit longer?" she pleaded, more nervous than she needed to be.

"Nope. He finds out now." she opened her mouth as if she were about to comment. "And yes, thank you, I am well aware that your father owns a gun. No need to remind me. Again."

She groaned as I got out of the car, and still moaned as I opened her door for her.

We walked into the house, Bella stalling with the front key while throwing glances through the curtains. Finally I grew so exasperated that I just took the keys from her hand and unlocked it in one swift movement. She threw me a look but walked in.

Bella led the way into the living room where Charlie sat staring blankly at the TV screen. I pulled her down onto the couch next to me and nudged her side, to urge her on.

"Hey, um, Dad?" she mumbled, looking down at the carpet as though there was something extremely fascinating to be found there.

"Yeah, Bells?" he asked, eyes still glued to the TV.

"Um, Edward and I are, um, going to dinner," she chickened out. I wanted to groan out loud at her cowardice, but I didn't because it would have been rude and secretly I found it adorable.

"On a date," I added. _She was never going to get anywhere at the rate she was going_.

"What?" that certainly caught his attention, and his eyes zeroed in on my face.

His gazed shifted from me to Bella multiple times. Had he really not noticed when I'd started to pick her up everyday before school? Had he still not noticed when I would stare at her all the time? Had he been so oblivious that he didn't even notice the way I would say her name?

"Well," Charlie seemed to be at a loss for words. "then I'll just take a moment with Edward and you two can be on your way."

Bella made no move to leave the room. "Alone," Charlie added.

"Oh!" Bella jumped up and scurried from the room, throwing me one last pleading look over her shoulder. I knew she would be in the kitchen, she would hear every word we said.

"Well, Edward," Charlie began. "That's my little girl in there, you know that?"

"Yes, sir," I decided it was best for him not to know that this wasn't a new thing.

"And, if you hurt her I'll wring your neck," he almost smiled at the idea of it. Goosebumps rose on my arms. "You know as well as I do what that Newton boy put her through. If I wouldn't have to arrest myself for it, I'd kill him with my bare hands."

"Sir?" I asked. "I know what Mike did to her. I would never do anything like that. I care about her too much to harm her in any way."

"Well, then," I'd obviously caught Charlie off guard with that one. "You have her home by ten then... it's a school night."

"Will do."

Charlie said good-bye and grudgingly turned back to his game. As Bella and I walked out the front door I heard him yell, "And keep your damn hands to yourself!"

**- - -**

Government was the longest class of the day. Any class without Bella was long enough, but I didn't have any friends or siblings in this class, which didn't help. So then there was nothing to do except listen to the teacher, a last-resort option for me. _I_ could teach this class better than he could, hands down.

I pulled out some sheet music that I'd been scribbling on since I met Bella. The first notes of it had come to me from the hours spent next to her heart rate monitor in the hospital, when I was too worried to think of anything but her and the notes that scrambled through my head.

The beats came unevenly, but they formed the beginning of a song in my head. It played out again and again internally, I could just never capture it just right on paper or on the piano keys.

I moved my left hand across an imaginary keyboard on the surface of my desk as I scribbled. My fingers glided across the invisible keys as I pictured Bella's face in my mind. The music flowed into my head, but I just couldn't find a way to put it onto paper. It was an elusive melody, and I just couldn't seem to pinpoint it.

My hands kept their dance along my desk as I thought furiously.

I was so absorbed in my composition that I didn't notice the conversation that took place just behind me until Bella's name was said.

I was pulled out of my music and listened fiercely.

"She doesn't even look dead anymore. Actually getting pretty hot again."

"I know! She almost looks better than before. Too bad she's attached to Cullen. I'd love to get back together with her if his brother wasn't around to beat me up," Mike Newton's voice caused me to clench my other hand- the muscles that could beat him to a pulp if I was inclined to. My other hand continued it's frantic dance across the desk, the melody wouldn't stop.

"Maybe there's a way to get him out of the picture. Make it look like he cheated on her or something. The way Lauren talks about him, any girl would gladly help us." Tyler's voice said.

"Yeah, that could work." Did they seriously not know that I was seated right in front of them? My hand was almost out of control.

"I guess I'll have to dump Jessica, but Bella is so worth it. I'll text her once we get this together."

"Isn't that a little harsh?" Conner, who had apparently listened to the entire conversation but hadn't said anything so far.

"Nah. It's so much easier. They don't have to worry about crying in front of you, and you don't have to deal with the water works. Win-win situation." Mike assured them.

Wow. How could someone be so heartless to a girl? No wonder Bella was always so surprised when I treated her like gentlemen should treat a girl. Because pigs like Mike Newton got away with treating everyone like crap.

And did Mike really think that Bella would take him back, even if she _did_ (for reasons beyond me) believe I'd cheated on her, which she knows I would never _ever _do? Mike was the main reason Bella had ever tried to kill herself. I was the only person she could ever talk to about it, but she still was very closed about it, even to me.

I was furious, and Bella's face flashed into my mind. All at once, my hand stopped it's mad scramble and suddenly something fell into place. The bell, like it knew I'd just had an epiphany, rang out, and I was on my feet.

Mike's words rang in my head as I almost ran to lunch. I saw Alice with an arm around Bella, their laughter met my ears in a sweet melody. Just the sound of it seemed to soothe my muscles. It was a strangely physical reaction she had on me.

"Something wrong, Edward?" Alice asked, she noticed easily my suddenly strange demeanor.

"No, nothing's wrong," I smiled, all the while I threw her a significant looks over Bella's head that clearly told her something was.

Alice had already been with Carlisle and Esme when I had joined them. She didn't talk about her past, and it was a rule around the house that we didn't talk about pasts unless the person it involved brings it up. Alice, Emmett, and I all had sad and painful stories that had brought us to Carlisle and Esme, and the happiness we now had.

We were all closely bonded, more than any natural siblings, but Alice and I had a special connection that Emmett just didn't seem to have with me. I could just give her a look and she would know exactly what I was thinking, and vice versa. And right now my look said _"Something extremely big just happened."_

After Bella and I had kissed, everything in my world had changed, and yet it was exactly the same. She was welcomed into the family, and my life was forever changed.

Rosalie was still icy to her, but I didn't really consider her a close friend. Rose wouldn't say anything because Emmett found Bella hilarious and he wouldn't let Rose be mean to her. Jasper was quiet, but he was always shy, except when he was around just Alice, so I wasn't bothered.

"I missed you," Bella whispered into my ear.

"I missed you, too," I sighed and kissed her forehead. She could never believe the lies Mike might spread. She knew me better than that. And once my plan was carried out, I would make sure she knew it. There would never be a doubt.

I glanced over at the table where Mike sat. Mike, Tyler, and Conner had their heads bent together and were oblivious to everything that surrounded them. They couldn't plot to try to take Bella away from me. It wouldn't work anyway, so I didn't need to worry.

I tried to reassure myself, but a seed of doubt was still planted in my mind. I needed Alice to confirm that it would never work, that Bella wasn't as stupid as to think that I would really cheat on her. I wouldn't be able to talk to her until after seventh period, when Bella had Gym, with Mike. I clenched my jaw at the thought of him, he made me sick.

Like Bella made me happy, Mike made me feel ill.

Everyone else at the table smiled and laughed at some joke I missed. I joined in. Alice sent me a look. She knew that I had no idea what I was laughing at.

I leaned my face down into Bella's hair and breathed deeply. Her scent washed over my senses and worries were quickly forgotten. I whispered, "I love you." But my words were lost as the table burst into laughter. She hadn't heard me, but I sure hoped she knew it.

**- - -**

I rushed to my piano bench when I got home. In all my fury, the song had poured out of me and I was out of blank sheet music. I'd scribbled it on notebook paper in a hurry.

Once my hands touched the keys, I didn't need the scribbled music. The melody flowed through me, as if it had waited all day to get onto the keys. I played again and again, I added and took away notes here and there. I wrote it out again and again until waded up balls of music littered the entire area around the piano. The rest of my family must have come home sometime, but I wouldn't have known. I was too entranced in my music.

The sun set and the moon moved across the sky as I continued to perfect my lullaby. I stared at the pages of music that were finally perfect. Across the top I wrote, _Bella's Lullaby_. A grin crept onto my face just at the thought of her.

"Are you still up, Edward?" Esme's voice came from behind me.

"What?" I was jerked out of the trance-like state I must have been in all night. "Oh, yeah. I was working on this song for –for Bella."

"That's so adorable. I'll call the school and tell them that you've got a cold or something. Now, you get your butt upstairs and get some sleep."

I smiled gratefully at her and took the music up to my room where my bed greeted me. Tomorrow, after Bella was out of school, I would play her the lullaby. And, I would tell her that I loved her, and be sure she heard me.

_A/N- What did you think? Please, please review. I'll love you forever and ever if you review. Please._


	8. Author's Note: You can hate me

It's okay. You can hate me all you want, I deserve it.

So, I've been trying so freaking hard to write Chapter 8 but I can't do it. There's too many things getting in the way. I love the idea of this story, but I don't know it well enough to continue. And, I'm trying too much to be like other writers on here. I'm writing and I'm comparing it to other author's work and that's not what I want to do. I'm pushing for words instead of story. And I hate this.

I might continue writing this, but not for a long time. And I won't post another chapter unless I finish writing this. I'm really only leaving this up from the advice of my amazing beta. So I'm abandoning this, I hate to say it. You probably won't see anymore full on stories from me. Some one-shots, yeah. And I might even beta. But no more stories unless I write the whole thing out first.

Thanks for reading in the first place. I really love the idea of this story I had everything planned out, but I just cant do it anymore. I'm really, really sorry.

-Asyouwish16

**_NOTICE 2.26.2009-_**

Well after I posted this Author's Note I got a PM from Ms. Do-Anything-I-Want and she said that she loved this story so much and hated to see it left without an ending. So after a lot of thinking, I handed my baby over to her to take care of. She posted this story by her and posted the chapters I had as the first seven and will continue the rest of the story in her own way. She's already posted it and the link is on my profile. Please check it out. I look forward to reading her take on my story, I hope you do too.


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